Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Another year over...almost

Wow, can you guys believe this year is almost over? I most certainly can't. The older I get, the faster things just fly by. I look back on the goals I set for myself, and sadly, I can't say I met most, if any, of them. I can blame it on working full-time and being a wife and toddler's mom. However, I will try and not make excuses. Frankly, I'm just too tired and more days than not, there just aren't enough hours in the day. For 2009, I am really looking forward to becoming a stay-at-home-mom. Although I think I will trade the stress of a 40 hour work week for the stress of a 24/7 work week, I look forward to being home with Carter more. I think this opportunity will not only make me a better mother but also a better wife. I feel like I have often neglected my responsibilities as a wife and mom because of my sheer exhuastion after having worked all day. I heard one working mom describe it this way..."My job gets me when I'm at my peak, fresh and alert. My family gets me at the end of the day when I'm tired, all out of energy and all I want to do is put my feet up," Man, do I know what she's talking about. I can't even begin to describe how excited I am to finally be able to stay home. I tell Theo all the time that I'll be working harder at home than I do at work :) but it will be a much more fulfulling and rewarding type of work.

This year has been a blessing but we've also been through some struggles. But God is good. And if there is one thing I can proclaim at the end of this year, God is faithful and in control. This past spring, we experienced something so terrifying as parents. Some of you may already know this, others may not. In April, Carter went through a 5 day phase of waking up screaming, unable to open his eyes, and couldn't walk without running into things. At first, I wasn't too concerned. But when my strong, never wavering husband said "Jaime, if you don't take him to the doctor, I will", I was freaked out. Carter looked like he was having a migraine. He couldn't stand to be in a lit room or outside especially. He would sit in his carseat with his hands over his face. My first thought was that Carter had a brain tumor. I see cancer patients all the time. We took him into the pediatrician on that Monday and within 24 hours he had an MRI of his brain performed. Those few hours were some of the longest and most difficult hours I've ever endured. Hundreds of "what ifs" were running through my mind. I prayed to God and begged him to let Carter be okay. I remember writing in my journal that this was the day we would find out if our only son had a brain tumor and how weird that felt to write that. I prayed that his MRI would be normal and there would be no sign of a brain tumor.

God heard me. He listened to my pleading as I literally cried out to Him and reluctantly placed Carter's life in His hands. Praise God Carter's MRI was normal. Carter did end up having a rare eye infection (rare in kids). We spent many days in the opthamologists' office and took a few weeks of various medications. God is the Great Physician and He showed us that by healing Carter. For those of you who know me, you know I can be somewhat of a control freak and always want things planned out and done my way. This experience was so hard for me because I truly had to let everything go and place it in God's hands. People say they trust God and trust in His plans but when that's truly put to the test, it is extremely difficult. I remember thinking that God knows how I feel. He had to give up his only Son and allowed him to endure pain and suffering because it was all part of His ultimate plan. I remember thinking that I'm not near as strong as God and I can't unselfishly give up my son for some greater plan. God knew my heart and He stepped in and intervened so that we would not have to go through such pain. For weeks afterwards, I would just cry everytime I went to church knowing how truly amazing my God is and how amazing He continues to be.

From this to this....... (top photo: Late April 2008 bottom photo: Early May 2008)

I am eagerly waiting to see what God has in store for us in 2009. I am excited about the plans He has for me and my family. I pray God's richest blessings on you and your families for the new year.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11


Aunt Laney said...

2009 is going to be a wonderful year for the Panton family!

Templin Family said...

I sure hope 2009 has ANOTHER Panton in store for us.... just hoping! I miss you girl.