Lately, I've been feeling the Holy Spirit convicting me of my sharp words. Mostly toward my husband and my children. So a couple of nights ago, I made a decision to go 5 days with only speaking positive, affirming words. Easy peasy, right? WRONG! It's times like these when I feel under attack spiritually. I make a decision to do better about something and man I am tested. This time was no different unfortunately. I didn't make it one day before I was raising my voice at the kids and being a smart alec to my husband.
This week has been very challenging. My kids have worn me down. Carter had his kindergarten orientation Wednesday and it was a disaster. He was screaming, refusing to go in the library while the parents were supposed to go to the classroom. Mind you, this is the same school he spent nine months at attending pre-school so he had no real reason to be afraid. But I will admit, I was very embarrassed by his behavior. Poor Isaiah, it was his naptime so he spent a while screaming before I finally gave up and left. I was so angry at the time. My words were so sharp and I know they pierced my sweet firstborn son's heart. And the guilt followed quickly behind.
And I am way to snippy with Theo. Anyone who knows us, knows we have a lot of verbal sparring in our marriage. We always have, and I'm pretty sure we always will. Most of it is done in fun and we are very playful with each other. But things can quickly get out of hand when my seemingly joking comments turn harsh. I am so short with him sometimes and I can't believe I talk to the man I love and respect that way. I feel so ashamed sometimes.
What would happen if I really could go 5 days, 10 days, 30 days, 365 days only speaking life-giving words to not only my family, but anyone I come into contact with? I think a drastic change would happen in my life. But it's so hard. When I'm exhausted (which is about 99% of the time), my patience is worn so thin that my words are the first thing to turn ugly.
"Death and life are in the power of the tongue" (Proverbs 18:21) So for today at least, I'm choosing to speak life. And that's a start!
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