Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Keepin It Real

I mostly blog about enjoyable positive things in our lives because who wants to hear the rantings of a hormonal, emotional, nutty pregnant woman right? Well, is just one of those days and I need to vent (just ask my husband). So Monday was a really hard day when my mom left. I cried off and on all day and my poor BFF Meredith happened to call me during one of my "fits" and witnessed the whole thing. I just had this overwhelming feeling of loneliness and isolation. I know I will make's almost impossible for me not to. But I have never had to start over before and it's scary. I miss my Louisiana friends and family sooooo much.

Tuesday was better from a missing everyone standpoint. Instead, I cried because Carter is driving me absolutely CRAZY. Everything is an argument and his disagrees with everything I say...including "Hey Carter, look how pretty blue the sky is!" and he replies through whiny tears "NO momma! The sky is NOT blue". Even as I sit at the kitchen typing this post, he is screaming at me because I won't give him yet another snack. And then he threw his dirty napkin at me. I'm telling you...I'm at my wits end. And in the next instant, he comes up to me, puts his head in my lap and tells me he loves me. Is he to young to be diagnosed with bipolar disorder? Seriously, is he?

Theo and I decided we would try and not give him his Zyrtec and see how he does. Um yeah....for the record, that was NOT a good idea. No one has gotten any sleep the past couple of nights and he has literally sneezed 50 times today. I used to feel guilty about giving him Zyrtec every night because I will admit, it was mostly to help him sleep better. Don't get me wrong, he does have allergies but I wasn't sure if he needed daily Zyrtec. Now I know he does. My new OB told us today that Colorado was a bad place for allergies because of all the cottonwood. So no more mommy guilt and here's to a good night of sleep....I will be giving him Zyrtec tonight for sure. So I don't know if the lack of good sleep on both of our parts is causing us both to be cranky. Last night when Theo got home from work, Carter went from defiant argumentative Carter to hyper like he just had a dose of speed Carter. I was so exhausted by the time I fell into bed and then every 45 minutes Carter was awake crying. Finally at 11:30, we let him get into bed with us. He didn't wake up anymore but Theo and I slept horribly.

Today has been back and forth with Carter. I am constantly praying for patience. I dont' want to be one of "those" moms. You all know what I'm talking about. We've seen them at Wal-Mart, toy stores, and even occasionally at church. I'm talking about the moms who spend all day screaming at her kids and spanking them just because. But it is so easy to act like one of "those" moms. I'm the grown-up here right? Then why do I feel like I resort to toddler behavior so frequently these days. At this point, I'm just trying to make it through the day. I feel overwhelmed knowing our daughter will be entering this world in one short month and that things are about to get even crazier. I feel overwhelmed knowing I won't have the support system I did in Louisiana. I feel like I'm on my own....not a good feeling to have while 8 months pregnant. Yes, I do have Theo and thank the Lord for that but he is so preoccupied with starting a new job and focused on getting off on the right foot. I don't blame him for that. It just leaves me with an unfilled void. I know he can't be my husband, my mom, my best girlfriend, and an awesome neighbor too. To expect him to fill all of those voids would be unrealistic and no doubt cause undue strife in our marriage. So I am asking God to fill those least until I make friends. I know He is always here no matter where we live. I know he knows my heart and feels my loneliness. After all, he's GOD! He can provide comfort like no one else. I'm counting on that.


ruslinga said...

Bless you Jaime! You will be in my prayers. It must be hard to be starting so many new things at one time. I wish there was more that I could do.

The Shoemakers said...

Girl I feel ya. I have friends and family near by and sometimes still feel alone. Us moms have to stick together! We already miss yall so much! I cant wait to come visit! Ive never been that far from home! Looks BEAUTIFUL though. Love ya girl!